


Through good, bad and ugly

by tellem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23935177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellem/pseuds/tellem
Summary: Ellen Bennett is a Hufflepuff starting her Fifth Year in Hogwarts. She doesn't know yet what she will be facing - the new Professor, Umbridge, and her cruel and unjust behaviour, for example, or how this year is going to change her. She does not know she is going to have to make decisions about whether to follow the rules, or to do what is good and right. And she doesn't know about the relationships she is going to build, and how important love and friendship will become while living under what feels like a dictatorship.
Comments: 2





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters. Harry Potter and everything connected to the series belongs to JK Rowling. 
> 
> This fanfiction also does not always follow the canon stories, I think it mostly does? But we will see.

I always knew that I was going to go to Hogwarts one day.  
When I was little, I would sit on my mother’s lap, and she would show me pictures of her in her school robes with all of her friends, who were waving at me from the photographs, with bright smiles. And even thought we were living in a small village, amongst a lot of Muggles, sometimes my mum would whip out her wand and show me some tricks she’d learned at school. She loved turning beetles into buttons.  
“After spending some time at Hogwarts, you’ll never have to buy buttons again”, she’d say with a wink, “Or pin cushions, for that matter”  
Visiting Hogwarts one day became a sort of dream for me. My mum made it sound so special – this beautiful, old castle, the Forbidden Forest, even the vegetable patches sounded significant when my mother described them to me. I just couldn’t wait to go there, to finally get a wand and an owl, maybe, and find out what house I belonged to…  
When I finally arrived at Hogwarts at eleven years old, that was the first blow, actually: being sorted into the wrong house. At least, it felt like it was the wrong house, back then.  
“Hufflepuff”, the old hat had shouted, and that was nothing like I had imagined it.  
It’s not that I have anything against Hufflepuff – there are worse things than being a good, kind person and a hard worker, let’s be honest – but everyone in my family had been a Ravenclaw.  
“It’s almost as if all Bennet's have blue blood”, that’s what my grandma always used to say, and there I was, after years of expecting to be just like everyone else in my family - a Hufflepuff.  
And that was not everything that had been different from my imagination. I guess that’s what happens when you start school the same year as Harry Potter, the Boy who lived – you get to witness a lot of crazy shit. I’ll never forget how frightened we all were in my second year, when the Chamber of Secrets was opened, or the Triwizard Turnament, when we lost Cedric Diggory, one of the friendliest person I had ever met – and there were a lot of really nice students in Hufflepuff.  
I still was not completely over that loss when I returned to Hogwarts in my fifth year. Cedric had been a friend of mine – of course, he was friends with almost everyone, but that did not mean he had not been important to me, and I’d missed him over the summer.  
It had been a pretty horrible summer, really. After everything that had happened at the end of my fourth year, my mother was worried about me going back to school, and she didn't let a day go by without telling me so. And her emotions were nothing but a rollercoaster, constantly changing. She would start with uncertainty in the mornings.  
"I just never expected anything like that, Ellen, you know?", she'd say during breakfast, clutching the newest copy of the Daily Prophet, "Not with Dumbledore around, anyway. But maybe it is true what they say? Maybe Dumbledore is growing old, after all? Because the stuff about You-know-who-being back, that's just... ridiculous, isn't it?"  
At lunch, she was mad.  
"It is unbelievable that they would endanger their students like that, absolutely shocking. Never would've happend during my time at school, let me tell you that! Poor Cedric, he was barely seventeen years old, is that how we are protecting our children these days?" She was so enraged that she forgot whatever she was cooking on the stove, and for weeks, whatever we ate for lunch would be at least partly burned, if not completly tasting of charcoal.  
But compared to the evenings, I would have prefered her anger everytime, because when I was just about to go to bed, my mum would be tearful and sentimental.  
"You're my only child, honey, I can't lose you. Not after what happened to your father-"

It may sounds harsh, but she drove me absolutely crazy.  
That's why I was really looking forward to going back to Hogwarts at the First of September. I didn't care about what the Daily Prophet wrote - Dumbledore was old, sure, but he had been old for what felt like centuries, and I didn't see him losing his grip anytime soon. I also missed my friends - Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones, who I was sharing a dorm room with and Neville Longbottom, who sometimes helped us study Herbology - along with the castle itself. I missed having breakfast in the Great Hall, the Common Room next to the kitchen, that almost always smelled delicious, I missed the library and even some of the Professors.  
Had I known back than how hard this year was going to be, how many fights and challenges I would have to face, I might had tried to enjoy my summer a bit more. But I did not, and so, on the First of September, sitting in the train next to Susan, I was happy and carefree. We chatted about how we had spent out holidays - she had been to Denmark and Germany, which sounded pretty exiting, and about how our parents had reacted to Cedrics Death and the alleged return of You-know-who. I almost felt a bit relieved when I heard that Susan's parents were not worried about that. Her aunt was working for the ministry, which is why the Bones' family chose to believe the Daily Prophet that continued to say that there was no chance of you-know-who ever returning.  
Hannah wasn't sitting with us. She had been elected a Prefect - which had been no surprise, really - and we met her just before the usual feast was about to start.  
Susan and I had found some seats at the Hufflepuff table, and while she was chatting away with Ernie - something about our OWLs - I was checking on the staff table. The groundskeeper and Care of Magical Creatures Professor, Hagrid, was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a woman in a pink cardigan caught my eye, partly because she was wearing a matching pink Alice band that reminded me of one I had owned myself at the age of 5. She was sitting next to professor Dumbledore, and I could only guess that she would be teaching Defense against the Dark Arts. 

“Hey, Elle, it’s so good to finally see you again!”, said a familiar voice suddenly, and Hannah sat down next to me, her new prefect badge glittering. She had cut her hair during the summer, which looked absolutely stunning, and I wasted no time in telling her so. But before we could really get into our conversation, the feast started with the usual sorting ceremony for the First Years, followed by some of the best food I had ever eaten - or maybe it just felt that way, after eating nothing but burned potatoes and sausages the whole summer. After that, Professor Dumbledore introduced us to the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Umbridge. Most students didn't seem to be too impressed with her, and she decided to set that first impressions in stone with what could only be described as the most boring speech I had ever heard. After a few minutes, half of the students were dozing off. Susan's head was laying on Ernies shoulder, who tried his best not to close his eyes himself, probably because he wanted to be a good role model as a Prefect. Even Hannah, who could even listen to Professor Binn's lectures, let out a small sigh.  
“If she’s that boring now, just imagine how boring lessons with her will be!”, I whispered, and Hannah sighed again.  
“But it’s Defence against the Dark Arts”, she reminded me, looking almost desperate, “Such a great subject – how boring can it be?”

Unfortunately, we found that out sooner rather than later.


	2. The High Inquisitor

“Who would have thought that I would ever miss Professor Lockhard?”, Hannah asked me at the end of the week. We were sitting in the Common Room next to the fire, some books in our laps, and were talking about our first lesson with Professor Umbridge.  
Susan grinned.  
„It’s not like you didn’t like Lockhard back then“, she reminded Hannah, “Didn’t you send him some card for Valentine, or something of that sort?”  
“Well, you wrote him a poem- I don’t think that’s better, now, is it?”, we laughed, even though the topic wasn’t that funny. The first week back at school had been a lot – the teachers had given us enough homework to keep us busy during the days, and at night, when we were all sitting in the Hufflepuff Common Room, there was a lot of whispering. Rumors were spreading fast, and you kept hearing the same names – Cedric, Harry Potter, You-know-who. Nobody really knew what to think, and to make matters worse, those who knew least spoke the loudest.  
“If anything, I miss Professor Lupin”, I sighed, “He was a great teacher, the best we ever had, really”  
“I’m just… skeptical about OWLs to be honest. How are we supposed to perform any spells, if we hadn’t had the practice? That’s crazy!”  
“I heard that the other houses aren’t that happy about it, either. Do you think it’s true that Harry Potter already got himself detention?”, we had heard that all day long. Allegedly, the class had had a fight with Professor Umbridge about her course aims, and Harry had lost his temper – said something about Cedric being murdered, as far as we knew. I couldn’t help but look over to the comfortable chair next to one of the window Cedric usually sat in – of course, it was empty, almost as if nobody dared to take his space away. As if he would come back and need it.  
Hannah was looking at the empty chair as well, and for a moment, we were all thinking the same thing, before Susan finally said:  
“It’s probably true. Wouldn’t be the first time that Harry had problems with a teacher, would it?” 

But as the weeks went by, it turned out that Harry was not the only one who had problems with Professor Umbridge. It wasn’t only that her lessons were boring, there was something about her that made most student uncomfortable. She felt like the one friend everyone had had during pre-school, who was always watching everyone else, waiting for them to make mistakes or break rules, just so she could go and tell their parents.  
“It’s weird, you know?”, Susan said to me one morning when we were getting ready to go and have breakfast, “I never thought that there might be a teacher one day who is disliked as much as Professor Snape”  
Hannah was sitting on her bed, brushing her hair, while I was trying to braid mine without a mirror.  
“But it’s different with Professor Snape”, I said through gritted teeth, trying to concentrate, “He might be harsh, but at least he doesn’t try to be our friend”  
After I finally had finished with my hair, we made our way to the Great Hall.  
“Isn’t your aunt working with Professor Umbridge?”, Hannah wanted to know while we were sitting down, “At the ministry?”  
Susan shrugged, reaching for a piece of toast.  
“She used to, but she barely ever talked about her. As far as I know, Umbridge wasn’t always that easy to work with. But now that she’s our teacher, my whole family is saying that I am supposed to be nice and quiet, so I don’t give my aunt a bad reputation”  
“I am nice and quiet by nature”, Hannah sighed. The morning post was arriving, and an owl had brought her a copy of the Daily Prophet. She grabbed it, only to drop it onto her plate again: “Look!”  
Susan skipped through the article, completely forgetting her breakfast:  
“They made her the High Inquisitor”, she told us, “I should’ve known something was about to happen, but that? My aunt told us that there were changes coming, but I didn’t expect this at all”  
“What does that even mean, High Inquisitor?”, I asked, stealing Susan’s toast from her plate, “  
“She’s checking on the other teachers, that’s what it means”, Susan tossed the newspaper back to Hannah, who started reading immediately, “To see if their lessons are good enough”  
“Well, no offense, but isn’t she the worst teacher, out of the bunch? Her lessons are as thrilling as lullabies!”  
“She’s probably just checking whether anyone says anything against the ministry”, Hannah said from behind the newspaper, “But according to the Daily Prophet, most parents are on board with that”  
“Well, they quote Lucius Malfoy”, Susan said without hiding her disapproval, “It’s no secret that he isn’t a big fan of Dumbledore, is it?”  
“But your parent’s probably aren’t disapproving either, are they? Not when your aunt it working for the ministry as well”  
“No, I guess not”

The whole school was talking about Professor Umbridge and her new role the whole day. Everybody was waiting for her to appear in their classes and have a look at her colleague’s lessons but I didn’t see her all day, except for the meals when she was sitting at the teacher’s table, wearing her usual pink cardigan, and looking rather smug.  
However, we got to witness her the next day when she was inspecting Professor Flitwick. She had brought a little pink notebook.  
" I hope Flitwick kicks her out", someone behind me whispered excitedly, "She'd stand no chance!"  
But of course, Professor Flitwick did nothing of the sort. He mostly ignored her, something I found rather difficult, because she continued to make small little noises. Little hms or tztz, stuff like that, always followed by the sound of her scrabbling along.  
The best part of that lesson was watching Ernie, who was trying desperately to seem interested and gave everything he had to make a good impression. He was sitting next to me, and waving his wand so pompously that he finally hit me on the head. His wand immediately started to produce a huge amount of bubbles, and while he fought to get everything back under control, I leaned over to him and whispered:  
"You know it's Flitwick that's being watched, not you, is it?"  
"It never hurts to make a good impression", he whispered back, and I grinned.  
"So that's what you're doing, making a good impression? And here I was, thinking you were merely trying to make a fool of yourself!"  
He stopped the over-exited wand-waving, after that.


	3. A plan

A few weeks later, after a Potions class, Ernie, Susan and I headed to the Great Hall to have dinner. It hadn’t been the best Potions lesson we’d ever had – Snape had been in a particularly bad mood, probably because he had been examined by Professor Umbridge a few hours ago, and I had failed miserable with my Mood-enhancing potion. After a few steps, Susan looked up.  
“Where’s Hannah?”, she asked, and I shrugged.  
“Went off with Hermione Granger who wanted to have a word. Prefect stuff, I guess”  
Ernie, who had managed to produce a pretty good potion despite Professor Snape’s mood, had looked pretty happy so far, but now he frowned.  
“I’m a Prefect, too, why don’t I know anything about that?”  
Susan rolled her eyes: “You really, truly don’t have to remind us, Ernie. We witness you polishing your Prefect badge every damn day”  
I tried to mask my laughter as coughing, but Ernie didn’t look convinced. I almost expected him to pick a fight – it would not have been his first lecture about the importance of Prefects, being a good role model or taking him serious in general – but he didn’t.  
“Are you feeling better?”, he asked instead, referring to the aftermaths of trying my potion. Instead of leaving me in a fairly good mood, it had made me laugh so hard I sounded like an oinking pig, which had been incredibly embarrassing.  
“I’m fine”, I muttered, even though I could feel my face getting hot.  
Susan saw it, too, and seemed to feel the need to step to my defense.  
“When you’re laughing at Ellen’s potion, does that mean we can laugh about that time when you hit her on the head with your wand, sprinkling us all with bubbles and soapy water? Because that looked hilarious”  
“I – I didn’t mean it that way”, Ernie murmured, “I just wanted to know whether she was feeling better, that’s all”  
I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him, so I tried to smile.  
“I think we all had embarrassing shit happen to us once or twice. Remember that one time you dropped your wand into the toilet, and couldn’t get it out without the help of a teacher?”, I asked Susan, and she covered her eyes with her hands while Ernie and I roared with laughter.  
“I can’t believe your bringing that up! I couldn’t look Professor Sprout in the eyes for months!”  
We had arrived in the Great Hall, and found Hannah already waiting at the Hufflepuff table. She looked rather pale, and when Ernie asked her what she had discussed with Hermione Granger, she shook her head.  
“Nothing of importance, really”, she said loudly, before leaning over to me and whispering, “I’ll tell you tonight, in the Common Room”  
She threw Ernie a look, and I understood immediately that she wanted to discuss the matter with Susan and me first. I decided to change the topic.   
“We were just talking about that one time, when Susan-“  
“Oh, the wand-dopping thing?”, Hannah smiled, even though she was still very pale, and Susan, who had already been reaching for some mashed potatoes buried her head in her hands.  
“We are not talking about that!”  
I looked at Ernie, who was surprisingly quiet. Usually, the only time he really shut up was when he was offended by anything, and I wondered whether he was angry at Hannah for not including him in whatever Hermione Granger had told her, but he did not look mad. He was not listening at all, but seemed deep in thought, staring at his plate of roast beef as if it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. 

The day crept by rather slowly. After school, we did our homework in the library, and when we finally returned to the Common room, we almost missed our curfew.  
“Thank god we were on time”, Susan said with a grin, “ I really don’t want to lose house points for being late – that’s a problem, when your friend is a Prefect”  
The Common Room was almost empty, just a few students were lingering in front of the fire place, playing Exploding Snap, and the three of us crammed together on some chairs next to a window.  
“So”, I asked what we were all wandering, “What is that you want to tell us?”  
Hannah looked over to the other students, but they weren’t paying us any mind. When she spoke, it was barely audible.  
“It’s- they are planning something. It has to do with Defense against the Dark Arts –“  
“What are you talking about?”, Ernie had appeared out of nowhere, crossing his arms in front of his chest.  
“What, are you following us?”, Susan asked angrily, “It’s none of your business what we’re talking about!”  
“It might be!”, Ernie answered, “Depending on the topic. Are you planning on breaking any rules?”  
“Why, do you want to go and tell on us?”, I couldn’t help but ask, and he raised an eyebrow.  
“I didn’t expect that from you, Hannah”, he said, “You’re a Prefect, too!”  
Hannah looked at him, her eyes huge in her pale face.  
“It’s not like that, at all”  
“What is it like, then?”, Ernie asked, suddenly sounding a lot friendlier. He grabbed a near-by chair and sat down next to us, “You can tell me. I swear I am not going to tell anybody; I just want to know. It has something to do with you talking to Hermione Granger today, hasn’t it?”  
Hannah nodded, but Susan shook her head.  
“How do we know that you’re not going to tell anyone anything?”, she asked, acid in her voice, “We all know you’re a chatterbox”  
For a mere moment, Ernie looked hurt, but he just shrugged it off.  
“I swear I am not going to talk to anybody about it, okay?”  
Susan didn’t really look as if she found that to be okay at all, but she kept her mouth shut.  
“Alright”, I said after a few seconds of silence, “We have your word. Hannah, would you please continue?”  
“Well, as I already said, it’s about Defense against the Dark Arts. We all know it’s horrible, not preparing us for our OWLs at all. Not to mention the… other stuff”  
“You mean the danger we are facing, now that You-know-who is back?”, Ernie asked, and I gasped at him.  
“You really believe that, then?”, I wanted to know, and Ernie nodded.  
“I sure do. I even told Potter I did”  
“Wait, you did? When did you-“, but I saw the look on Hannah’s face and stopped.  
“So, what are they planning?”, Susan asked, “And who’s “they”?”  
“Well, mostly Hermione, I think. But also Potter and Weasley. It sounded as if they are thinking of some sort of… study group”  
“A study group?”, Ernie asked, almost in his loud, normal voice again, before I shushed him down, “Why are we keeping that a secret?”  
“Well, they want to practice. Not just the theory, but they want to practice the spells as well. I don’t think Umbridge would be very fond of that idea, do you?”  
Ernie shook his head, seemingly lost for words.  
“Well, nothing is set in stone just yet”, Hannah said, very matter-of-factly, “I was told that they wanted to meet up the next weekend in Hogsmeade, discuss it there. We can come if we are interested, just listen to what they have to say”  
“Well, we’re definitely will be going”, Susan decided, “I need practice for my OWLs, we all do, and I will not be stopped because of an incompetent teacher”  
Hannah smiled: “I thought you’d say that”  
“I’ve heard that Potter can produce a Patronus”, Susan told you, barely hiding the awe in her voice, “So I’m not going to pass this chance up”  
I didn’t know whether to be surprised or not – I had always heard that Potter was capable of a lot when it came to the Defense against the Dark Arts, but it still was mind-blowing. Hannah looked exited as well, I was pretty sure I knew what she was thinking about: mastering her exam when the time came at the end of the term.  
Susan had got up, looked around the Common Room and stifled a yawn.  
“I’m going to bed”, she said, “Are you coming?”  
Hannah nodded, but I shook my head.  
“I’ll be up in a few minutes”, I told them, “I just remembered I forgot something in my essay for Divination, in the last paragraph. I’ll go to bed as soon as I’m finished with that”  
I opened my bag and put out my quill and some ink, as well as my essay, but when I looked up, I wasn’t alone as I had expected. Ernie was still standing in front of me.  
“Do you need help with your essay?”, he asked, not in his usual patronizing voice, but rather friendly, and I gave him a smile.  
“I don’t think so, Ernie, but thank you. I’m just adding some finishing touches”, I looked down on the paper, but he still wasn’t leaving, so I had to look up again, feeling his eyes on me.  
“I just – I just wanted to thank you for trusting me. I know Susan doesn’t, but- but I’m really not as bad you might think”, he smiled at me, before slowly turning away, “Have a good night, Ellen”  
I couldn’t help but look after him as he disappeared in the boy’s dormitory.


	4. Uncertainty

I wasn’t sure how I felt about what Hannah had told us.   
Not that I was content with Umbridge’s lessons – nobody was. And I still didn’t like her, either – again, nobody did, expect maybe Filch, even though she treated him like a house elf.   
But breaking the rules had never been my thing. And even though it wasn’t technically forbidden to meet other students in Hogsmead, I still had the strong feeling that it wasn’t allowed, either. That’s why we were being so secretive, wasn’t it?  
But I didn’t know who to turn to with my sorrows.   
Susan had already made her decision, and even Hannah, who under normal circumstances was a good girl – and a Prefect, of course - seemed to be of the opinion that everything was right as long as we got to practice for our OWLs.   
But it wasn’t that easy for me. Rules were there for a reason, and going behind the teachers back made me incredibly uncomfortable. But just the thought of telling Susan that – she’d tell me that I sounded almost as stupid as Ernie, and I didn’t really need that.   
I mostly stayed to myself the next days, not wanting anyone to notice how I was feeling, and then, two weeks before the weekend at Hogsmead, when we were sitting in Defense against the Dark Arts, someone suddenly raised their hand.   
We all were supposed to be reading and answering questions, as per usual, and I had been staring into my book without really seeing the words, when I suddenly heard Umbridge’s high-pitched voice.   
“Can I help you, Mister-“  
“Finch-Fletchery”, Justin said, from two rows behind me.   
Justin was one of Ernie’s close friends, somebody who liked to stay to himself after being petrified in his Second year. I hadn’t expected him to be the one to disturb our – if one could even call it that – learning.   
“Very well, Mr. Finch-Fletchery. How can I help you?”, Umbridge asked. She had stood up from her chair, but it barely made any difference – she still looked small.   
“I was just wondering about our OWLs”, Justin said, “Because in this course, we don’t get any practice“   
“You won’t need any practice”, Umbridge answered immediately, with a smile that made me shiver.   
Justin didn’t look convinced.   
“But we will need to perform spells during our exams, right? So practice would be rather helpful”, he pressed, while Ernie next to him looked both uncomfortable and as if he was secretly agreeing.   
Umbridge gave a little sigh as she walked around her desk.   
“I have told the other class of Fifth Years a few weeks ago already that there is no need for practice during this class. Reading the book will prepare you well enough, my dear”, she shook her head, decorated by a large, pink bow that I found both childish and hideous, “This decision was made by the ministry’s experts on education, and is therefore final”  
“But – why?”, some girl in the back couldn’t help but wonder, “We used to practice all the time in this class!”  
“There are reasons why your previous teachers are here no more. I do not want to go into detail, but the way things were being handled at this school was no longer acceptable”, her smile grew sweeter, and she looked more and more like a toad that was about to swallow a fly, “Which is why the ministry had to interfere, after all. And now, ladies and gentleman, please return to your book – there will be no need for talking!”

“I just do not believe that’s reasonable”, Hannah said.   
We were sitting in our corner in the Common Room, that was mostly deserted, and had spent the last two hours writing an essay as homework for Defense against the Dark Arts, when she suddenly slammed her textbook shut.   
“You’re better not talking about the way the book handles The control of harmless jinxes”, Susan said, barely looking up from her paper, “Because I spent the last hours writing that I agree with that!”  
“No, I wrote that, too”, Hannah grabbed her book and stuffed it in her bag, “I mean Umbridge in general. That she won’t let us practice”  
“I thought we had already agreed on that”, Susan put down her quill, spilling ink all over the parchment, “That’s why I told Ernie to invite Justin as well when we’re going to Hogsmead. He won’t talk to anybody about it, and we all know he could use some help with his counter spells. Last year, they were lousy”  
“That was because of Professor Moody, though”, I came to Justin’s defense, “He was scary. I couldn’t concentrate, either”  
“We still learned loads”, Hannah murmured, sounding miserable, “I’d take him over Umbridge every day, even though he was an imposter”  
“Someone’s desperate”, Susan grinned. She had been roaming her bag for some snacks, and was now eating some cookies she had taken from dinner, while her essay lay forgotten.   
Hannah shrugged.  
“Our OWLs are important”, she insisted, “And if it’s true what they say about Cedric – then we will need all the practice we can get”  
“But Cedric did practice”, I reminded her, even though I knew it would just make us all feel worse, “He was really good at Defense against the Dark Arts. And still…”  
“Well, we’ll have to be better than that”, Susan said, her voice steady, “And we sure as hell won’t be, as long as that old hag wearing children’s clothing is teaching us!”  
I suppressed a grin, shoving my parchment and quill into my back.   
“I wonder how it feels to be her – nobody seems to like her!”, Hannah said, clearly between dislike and pity, but Susan and I just shrugged.   
“I doubt that she cares”, I said, reaching for a cookie, and Susan added:   
“She likes herself, I bet that’s what matters to her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t treat us that way – as if we were children, too stupid to understand anything!”  
I tried to mimic Umbridge’s high chirp:   
“This decision was made by ministry’s experts, and is therefore final”  
Hannah’s usual kind face looked rather grim.   
“We’ll see about that”, she said.


	5. Meeting at strange places

“Have you ever been to the Hog’s Head?”, Hannah asked timidly as we approached the dark building. It didn’t look too inviting, to be honest, so I guessed that it would be the perfect place for a meeting like ours.   
“Of course not”, Ernie said. He was walking between Justin and I, and looked both exited and a little scared, “I have to maintain a reputation, you know?”  
And even though it sounded stupid and pompous, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t wrong: this was a place you’d rather not be seen at. But when we opened the door, we found it to be packed: there were a lot of students there – Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, of course, but also some of the other Weasley siblings, Luna Lovegood, a weird but friendly Ravenclaw girl, and a few others I couldn’t name, but knew they were mostly from Gryffindor.   
“Not a Slytherin is sight”, Justin murmured, barely audible, as we approached the group. We were quickly handed some butterbeers, and after finding our seats, Hermione, who looked a little nervous, reminded us all why we were here – to learn more about Defense against the Dark Arts than we were currently taught at school.   
I was content with just listening what they had to say, but Zacharias Smith, a fellow Hufflepuff who shared a dormitory with Justin and Ernie, a blonde, tall boy I barely spoke to, almost started a fight when asking about Cedric.   
Part of me could understand – we all had liked Cedrid, after all – but another, bigger part of me could see how angry and uncomfortable Harry looked, and that made me uncomfortable, too. Tension was building rather quickly, but before anyone else could say anything, it was Susan who changed the topic.   
“Is it true that you can produce a patronus?”, she asked Harry, and even though her voice was calm I could see the excitement in her eyes, “A corporeal patronus?”  
Ever since her aunt had told her, Susan had been all to eager to hear if it was true, and she had finally seen her chance.   
She wasn’t the only one who seemed to be impressed when she was told about the stag that was Harry’s patronus, and the mood almost immediately lightened up. Everyone had heard about something Harry might have done, and now, we all wanted to know what was true.   
After that, there was no doubt – Harry was supposed to give lessons, and even though he did not look to pleased with that, he agrees to do it.   
While we were discussing about when to meet, I almost forgot that we were breaking the rules. It felt so normal – every house wanted to take their Quidditch practice into consideration, Ernie gave a small little speech about the importance of the whole matter… It didn’t feel wrong anymore, until Hermione brought up Professor Umbridge again, and I felt a small knot form inside my stomach.   
“She thinks Dumbledore’s mobilizing us against the ministry”, Hermione said, and I felt as surprised as everybody else. I had been sure that Professor Umbridge was an incompetent teacher, yes, intruding from the ministry, but I had never believed her to be that dense. It almost sounded like a conspiracy theory, this army of students, and the knot inside my stomach grew bigger when Hermione made us all sign a parchment, to prove we had been there.   
I wasn’t the only one who was uncomfortable with that, even though it was for different reasons than the rest. Of course, Ernie didn’t want to sign because he was “a Prefect”, afraid to get caught, but I didn’t want to sign because it felt like making a decision I wasn’t ready to make.   
Of course, I had wanted to come her.   
I had wanted to listen to the ideas that were introduced, to what Hermione and Harry had to say. I wanted to hear what they were planning… but I wasn’t ready to be a part of, really. I still didn’t like breaking the rules, no matter the course, and signing this paper was like signing a contract: “Yes, I am going to break the rules, and I know I am”

When we left, we each were in different moods.   
Susan was incredibly excited. She just couldn’t stop talking about what she thought we were going to learn, about what she wanted to learn and about how happy she was to finally be taught something useful. She and Justin were discussing the practice of different counter spells, and both looked happier than they had been for weeks. Hannah was looking forward to preparing for her OWLs, and she was happily listening to Susan’s rambling.   
Before the Three Broomsticks we separated: Hannah went to buy some new ink, while Susan and Justin left for Honeydukes to stock up their supplies of Bertie Bott’s Beans. After I reminded them to bring me the sugar quills I had asked for, Ernie and I left to go back to Hogwarts.   
It was early, and the path was nearly empty – most students were still at Hogsmeade, drinking their last butterbeer, getting the sweets they needed or shopping for new robes, and most of them were probably just enjoying their free time… and here I was, with Ernie, entangled in something that scared me.   
“So”, Ernie said after a few minutes of silent walking, “You don’t look too happy, Ellen”  
“Neither do you”, I retorted immediately, wrapping my scarf closer around me. The wind was cold, and the dark clouds that came closer looked like it was going to rain soon.   
“What’s bothering you?”, Ernie tried again, and when I didn’t answer, he tried something else: “May I ask you something? Something else?”  
“Go ahead”  
“Why don’t you like me?”   
I almost tripped over my own feet, startled. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but certainly, not that.   
“I – It’s not that I don’t like you, Ernie”, I mumbled, but Ernie shook his head.   
“I know you don’t like me”, he said, “And Susan doesn’t like me either, but that doesn’t bother me as much. She’s – well, she’s Susan, and there are a lot of people she doesn’t like. You’re different – you seem to like almost everybody”  
I still didn’t really know what to say, and I felt horrible. Of course, Ernie had a way to come across a little pretentious, but was that really his fault?   
“Ernie, I am really sorry if I hurt your feelings”, I said after a moment, “That was never my intention. It’s not that I don’t like you – it’s more that sometimes you are a bit – a bit much, really”  
I could see in his face that he didn’t understand, so I tried to be a little more concrete without being brutal: “You take yourself very seriously – and you should, because you really have reached a lot, being Prefect and all. But I never know what to make of you. I need my friends to be my friends first, and Prefect after”  
“Like Hannah”, it wasn’t a question, merely a statement, and I nodded.   
“With Hannah, I know that if I told her something, she wouldn’t tell on me. She wouldn’t judge me, either. With you, I am sometimes not so sure, just because the rules and morality and being a role model all is so important to you”  
“So basically, you trust Hannah, but you don’t trust me?”, Ernie asked, and I finally nodded.   
“I guess it’s something like that”  
We had around 10 more minutes to until we would arrive at the castle, and I was afraid that we would spent them in silence – me being embarrassed and Ernie being hurt, but I was wrong.   
“I really am rather proud of myself for many things”, Ernie was not looking at me, but at the ground before his feet, “And I know I sometimes come across as somewhat arrogant. That’s something I am trying to work on”  
I gave him a little smile: “I think I’ve noticed some changes already”, I said, and when he looked over to me I could see how happy my words made him, “You do seem more approachable lately”   
“You really think so?”  
“Sure”, I gave him a pat on the back, “I am sorry if I came across as rude earlier. But that meeting left me rather nervous, to say the least”  
“Me, too”, Ernie sighed, “I do think it’s right, on the one hand. I really do. Learning more about Defense against the Dark Arts is the most important thing at our times. But on the other hand… I hate breaking the rules”  
For a second, I couldn’t help but stare at him. What had just come out of his mouth had been my exact thoughts for the last week, the sorrows I had not dared to tell my friends about… and here was Ernie Macmillan, of all people, feeling the exact way I did.   
And I couldn’t help but wonder… maybe we could be friends, after all.


End file.
